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…Sam drops to one knee and asks Brittany to marry him. She laughs and ruffles his hair because he really is the most adorable thing. “Sam,” she says, “I like you a lot. Heck, almost everyone in the Lesbian Blogger Community likes you a lot. You’re sweet and funny and when you play your guitar and sing, it sometimes makes me swoon to the point of dizziness. But we just got together last week, and you’re the first person I’ve even thought about dating since Santana and I got together. Can you imagine what it’s like to suddenly live without something you’ve always had and never even dreamed of losing? She was my very very very best friend before we ever started scissoring and losing her has been like losing an actual, physical part of myself. It’s not that you’re a boy; I’ve always been a unicorn-loving bisexual. It’s that kissing you one week and marrying you the next week devalues the most important relationship I’ve ever had. Given some time and enough DNA testing to prove we’re not brother and sister, I would cherish the opportunity to get serious with you.”
Just kidding, you guys. What she really says is, “I’m worried because of the Black Blogger Community. I think it meant a lot to them, seeing you and Mercedes together, because she’s not the typical stick-thin white girl writers usually pair guys like you with. And I’m worried those angry black people will hurt my perfect face. This isn’t offensive, is it? What I’m saying? Associating a minority with a mob and insinuating that they get hysterically violent when they don’t get their way?”
Just kidding again. She says yes.
”